Customer Reviews (2)

Dixit Magister
Despite being identified with an idiosyncratic approach to the concept of self - known as Self Psychology - Kohut shapes our modern understanding of narcissism, both healthy and pathological.

He said that pathological narcissism is not the result of excessive narcissism, libido or aggression.

It is the result of defective, deformed or incomplete narcissistic (self) structures. Kohut postulated the existence of core constructs which he named: the Grandiose Exhibitionistic Self and the Idealized Parent Imago (see below). Children entertain notions of greatness (primitive or naive grandiosity) mingled with magical thinking, feelings of omnipotence and omniscience and a belief in their immunity to the consequences of their actions. These elements and the child's feelings regarding its parents (which are also painted by it with a brush of omnipotence and grandiosity) - coagulate and form these constructs.

The child's feelings towards its parents are reactions to their responses (affirmation, buffering, modulation or disapproval, punisment, even abuse).

These responses help maintain the self-structures. Without the appropriate responses, grandiosity, for instance, cannot be transformed into adult ambitions and ideals.

To Kohut, grandiosity and idealization were positive childhood development mechanisms. Even their reappearance in transference should not be considered a pathological narcissistic regression. am Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited".

A true masterpiece
I can't believe I am the first person to review this book. This is one of the best books ever written on self development and it's pathological side: narcissistic disorders.

Kohut was so technical in his writting that perhaps it can be quite hard for beginners to "get" all the consequences that can be extracted from it's reading.

Kohut was lucid, had a great human understanding and never confined his thinking to the realms of the already accepted psychoanalitic truths.

It's a demanding book but worth reading! ... Read more

Product Description
High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles! Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the diagnostic classification system used in the United States, as "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy." The narcissist is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, and prestige. Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness. Most psychiatrists and psychologists regard NPD as a relatively stable condition when experienced as a primary disorder. James F. Masterson outlines a prominent approach to healing NPD, while discussing a continuum of severity and the kinds of therapy most effective in different cases. Typically, as narcissism is an ingrained personality trait, rather than a chemical imbalance, medication and therapy are not very effective in treating the disorder ... Read more

Product Description
This volume presents a fully integrated developmental approach that not only differentiates between varying etiologies of the narcissistic and borderline disorders but also provides a detailed guide to effective treatment. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (2)

Narcissism Unveiled
If you want to learn more about pathological narcissism, borderline conditions and other low-organization personalities - this book is for you. Essentially a textbook, it is a surprisingly interesting read (case studies intersdpersed). Some professional jargon and the book's bias in favour of psychodynamic theories may make best as a second read about narcissism. Sam Vaknin, author of 'Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited'.

Worth every penny
One of the best I have ever read--and have the pleasure of owning--on the subject. I refer to it time and time again. Comprehensive, insightful, and lucidly written. ... Read more

Product Description
Combining clinical analysis with psychological profiles of famous narcissists, here is an indispensable guide to recognizing, coping with, and ultimately overcoming the destructive behavior of narcissists.

Everybody needs some healthy narcissism. But in a society obsessed with appearance, wealth, and status, it's easy for problematic narcissists to thrive. Many people who seem to "have it all" are suffering from one of the most common- and overlooked-personality disorders today: high level narcissism. Typified by an obsession with perfection, a desperate need for admiration, and a willingness to use and exploit others for personal gain, high level narcissism can spell devastation for anyone who crosses the narcissist's path.

In Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life, psychotherapist Linda Martinez-Lewi presents an in-depth and supportive plan for identifying, understanding, and dealing with high level narcissistic behavior in those close to you. Martinez-Lewi helps you to liberate yourself from draining personal relationships with narcissists, and shows how to regain a sense of peace, balance, and well-being.

Drawing on detailed profiles of famous narcissists, including Pablo Picasso, Frank Lloyd Wright, Armand Hammer, and Ayn Rand, as well as expertly rendered case studies from her private practice as a psychotherapist, Martinez-Lewi shows how to:

- understand where narcissistic behavior comes from; u learn to spot narcissistic traits, even in the early stages of relationships;
- realize why attempting to change a narcissist is fruitless; and
- protect yourself from the narcissist's opportunism, manipulative behavior, and lack of empathy.Amazon.com Review
"Psychotherapist Martinez-Lewi combines clinical analysis with psychological profiles of famous people she believes to have been narcissists (e.g., Frank Lloyd Wright, Ayn Rand) in this valuable guide to recognizing, coping with, and overcoming narcissistic behavior. She focuses on the high-level narcissist, i.e., the "omnipotent, grandiose, often charismatic individual of overreaching ambition and palpable hubris," distinguishing diagnostically between narcissists and borderline and antisocial personalities. She further presents a historical and societal perspective on narcissism, explaining the shift in focus in psychopathology from neuroses to personality disorders. Throughout, she draws on solid secondary biographies as well as relevant case studies from her private practice, and she ends with a reasoned discussion of decidedly Eastern approaches (e.g., meditation) to counter narcissists’ destructive behavior. The book is written with a calm directness and achieves the author’s purpose of helping readers identify and protect themselves from naively tangling with these personalities. It offers more clinical analysis and experience than does Eleanor Payson’s The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists and nicely complements Nina W. Brown’s Children of the Self-Absorbed. Highly recommended for university and larger public libraries.

–Dale Farris, Library Journal

"FREEING YOURSELF FROM THE NARCISSIST IN YOUR LIFE by Linda Martinez- Lewi,PhD (Tarcher/Penguin) may just be the best investment you will make this year as a guide to recognizing, coping with, and ultimately overcoming the destructive behavior of high-level narcissists, whether they be lovers, co- workers, friends or parents. It’s one thing to have a healthy self-esteem, but there are folks who we all know as self-absorbed, conceited, or egotistical. These people are trouble and this book is an excellent guide to deal with them."

– Alan Caruba, BOOKVIEWS

"5 THINGS WE LEARNED FROM…. FREEING YOURSELF FROM THE NARCISSIST IN YOUR LIFE By Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. (Tarcher/Penguin)
According to the psychotherapist author, narcissists are people with extreme senses of superiority who possess no empathy. Martinez-Lewi believes that high- level narcissists are unlikely to change, so she offers methods for readers to maintain personal boundaries, remain psychologically secure and live the life they choose.
1. As our culture has emphasized financial success and fame, we have begun rewarding high-level narcissism
2. There is such a thing as healthy narcissism. He or she "has a firm realistic sense of self.’
3. "A successful narcissist deludes others into believing he is genuinely interested in them."
4. To withstand an eruption of ego from a narcissist, one must be psychologically grounded. "A grounded individual is secure and calm; he feels solid at his center."
5. The world of a narcissist is often complicated. To combat being part of that world; simplify your own.

—Chris McNamara, CHICAGOTRIBUNE.COM

"The author, psychotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist has written a guide making it easier to recognize, cope with and ultimately overcome the destructive behavior of high-level narcissists, whether they be lovers, work colleagues, friends or parents. Drawing on detailed profiles of famous narcissists including Pablo Picasso, Frank Lloyd Wright and Ayn Rand, she points out that trying to change a narcissist is impossible and reveals the steps that must be taken to expel such destructive individuals from our lives."

—Tucsoncitizen.com

"The high-level narcissist marches through his many geographies, conquering new territories, multiplying his limitless control of the outside world and the lives of those who touch his. Excited followers anticipate his mood and moves, praying for a favorable word or glance. The chosen dwell within his cercle d’or, chanting hosannas to his greatness. While his audience is dazzled, the supernarcissist assesses each subject’s worth to him.

He plays upon their proclivities and weaknesses. Despite the years you have known him, the hard work you have done, the love that you express, the sacrifices you have made, the intimacies you believe you shared-eventually the narcissist will cut you off at the knees, even attempt to destroy you if he perceives you as an obstacle to his feverish drive toward ultimate power, control and omnipotence." (from FREEING YOURSELF FROM THE NARCISSIST IN YOUR LIFE by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.)

Does this description sound like anybody that you know? Your spouse? Your boss? Your co-worker? So, how does one recognize a "truly toxic narcissist?" According to this insightful book there are certain signs to look out for:"Displays an extreme sense of grandiosity and superiority.Is highly manipulative, exploitive, and deceptive in all of his relationships.Places his personal and professional needs over the needs of others.Is captivated by his delusions of limitless power and perfection.Easily lies without any qualm or guilt.Is incapable of true empathy-the ability to deeply feel and appreciate another person’s emotional state."

It was my misfortune to work with a fellow who fit every single one of these descriptions. This book will help you to recognize this type of person before it is too late.

What makes them so dangerous? They only care about themselves.

Is this sounding familiar? Do you know one?"

—Daytondailynews.com

"You will know a narcissist when you see one: he or she loves to hog the spotlight. Those afflicted with this severe personality disorder are usually impressive and charismatic people: they beguile and enchant us with their magic. They never tire of talking about their experiences or projects which are always extraordinary. But they are totally lacking in empathy. Just try to discuss what you are doing or share an idea while they are nervously glancing around the room to see who is looking at them.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, a licensed marriage and family therapist, has put together a helpful and informative book for those who want to know more about high-level narcissists: whether they be colleagues, friends, parents, or lovers. Here are some of their traits and behaviors:*A grandiose sense of self-importance*A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love*A belief that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people*A high sense of entitlement*Is interpersonally exploitative*Lacks empathy*Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her*Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

The book is divided into four sections: The Great Performer, Behind the Perfect Mask, The Adoring Audience, and Response to the Great Performer. Martinez-Lewi presents illustrative material on toxic narcissists with profiles of artist Pablo Picasso, philosopher-author Ayn Rand, and architect Frank Lloyd Wright, describing them all as colorful characters whose hearts were hard and whose egos were gigantic. As the author puts it: ‘The narcissist takes up a vast amount of psychological space, leaving only room for himself. In his presence, one is unable to breathe or move, all the available oxygen has been taken by his self- entrancement.’

Because of this pattern, narcissists make no distinction between themselves and others: everyone is at their service and disposal. Since all who come into their orbit are just extras in a private movie, they are expendable. Narcissists rarely seek therapy, and their relationships usually end badly. The show just keeps moving from one place to another. It is a lonely existence."

—Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat, SpiritualityAndPractice.com ... Read more

Customer Reviews (56)

Inspiring, Very Helpful---I am Free from Narcissistic Siblings
I grew up in a high pressure home. Everyone was expected to get straight A's and go to top universities. My narcississtic dad was an overbearing golden boy, smooth and manipulative. He controlled everyone in the family including mom. I was the only girl with two feisty rude narcissistic brothers. It was highly competitive, a darwinian atmosphere. I was ignored and felt invisible. I raised myself; there was no one there to help me. Although I was successful in my career, I never felt special. My brothers were always the center of attention. Finally, I realized that I needed to understand how I felt inside and had the benefit of good psychotherapy. I have come to terms with being raised in a narcissistic family. I have survived this difficult ordeal to become a very successful person. As part of my healing process, I read several books about the narcissistic personality. This is one of the best. Dr. Martinez-Lewi zeros in on the narcissist perfectly and gives clear examples. They come to life on these pages. I have learned how to protect myself and deal with narcissists. I respect, appreciate and know who I really am.

a profoundly enlightening and helpful book
My name is Chris.I was the one interested in the book,our Amazon account is in my wife's name.As a child of an ultra-narcissistic parent,I find myself reading and re-reading this book with amazement at how it helps me to sort out the years years of psychological abuse I suffered.I would highly recommend this book;It is one of the most enlightening and helpful books I have ever read.

Great Help, Expert Information,Support Needed--Narcissistic Sibling
I grew up with a very spoiled older brother who was mean and cruel to me from the time I can remember. He was sneaky and would scare me when mom and dad weren't around. He threatened to hit me if I told them. My mother favored my brother--he was very smart in school and an athlete. Nothing he did was wrong. Mom always favored him and asked me why I couldn't be as bright and talented as he was. I felt scared around him and spent a lot of time alone. It took many years to realize that my brother is a golden boy narcissist, the one adored by mother. I discovered this after reading this book by Dr. Martinez-Lewi. She describes my brother perfectly. I feel relieved to know that he is a severe personality disorder. I was victimized by him. Now the pieces of the narcissistic puzzle have come together. This book has given me insight and hope and strategies for dealing with narcissists in the present and future. I feel more healed after reading it.

Liberating Reading!
I enjoyed reading this book primarily because it provided a validating experience for me being currently involved with a narcissist.I have read much literature about this personality disorder with the general consensus being to leave the person.This was not what I wanted to do.I wanted encouragement, hope and inspiration and a reason to stay involved with a narcissist.I found the latter with this book by Dr. Linda Martinez.She promotes becoming egoless and practicing self detachment among other examples as the necessary vehicles for self-transformation.

I highly recommend this book for those people who want to stay with the narcissist and learn the lessons the relationship is trying to teach you.

Interesting, but not helpful.
I got the book for help, advice, and ideas for surviving and dealing with being married to someone I believe to be a narcissist, or at least possess a high number of such traits. I was looking for ways to determine which description matches my spouse. I was hoping to find strategies for dealing with a narcissistic spouse and how best to dissolve the relationship with minimum damage to myself and my family. I found very little that went toward achieving this goal.

The book, instead, focuses on what the author calls a, "high-level narcissist." This book focuses on the uber-successful, charming billionaire type. It is full of entertaining, well written vignettes which reveal the depravity of the extremely narcissistic. It does little (nothing) to arm a person to better deal with that kind of domestic relationship. Most all of the strategies for coping were focused on board room settings.
The entire last quarter of the book was written as a guide to use meditation, yoga, and Buddhist philosophy to better equip one's self to stand up to the narcissist. I was under the impression that "Freeing" myself would involve safe exit strategies, not meditation. I did not want an eastern thought primer. But, if you do, this one is very good.

If you want short anecdotes to share with friends, entertaining and poetically written glimpses of narcissism, or a basic meditation guide then this is your book. If you are a personal assistant to a celebrity, then may be some useful nuggets for you. If you want coping strategies for being married to a narcissist, search elsewhere. This is particularly true for those married to a middle-class, run of the mill, everyday narcissist.

... Read more

Product Description
In this second edition to her groundbreaking book, Dr. Joan Lachkar ventures to go beyond narcissistic and borderline couples to a mélange of many other dyadic configurations.Updated to incorporate new literature and developments in the field of marital conflict that have taken place since the publication of the first edition, this book addresses the ever-changing faces and phases of narcissism within the context of marital treatment.Drawing from many different theoretical frameworks, mainly self-psychology (Kohut) and object relations (Klein), the works of D.W, Winnicott, and Kernberg are expanded to further explain why couples stay in painful, conflictual, never-ending relationships (traumatic bonding).An essential text for every clinician doing marital therapy,The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple offers an improved understanding of marital pathology within the framework of our changing world. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (4)

It Takes Two to Tango

It Takes Two to Tango July 30, 2009

Joan Lachkar has done it again. She has written a book of invaluable assistance to those working with the most difficult issue of managing the narcissistic personality.In her book, Narcissistic-Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment (1992), Lachkar defines the narcissistic-borderline couple as individuals who, when they are together, form a shared couple myth that gives rise to many collective fantasies.According to Lachkar, it takes two to tango and two to sustain a long-term relationship that involves abuse. She describes the intricacies of each pathology and demonstrates how different practice paradigms are needed for successful treatment.According to Lachkar, the narcissist responds most profoundly to the mirroring aspect of self-psychology while the borderline requires the containment provided by object relations theory.Lachkar presented a well documented and eminently helpful case describing the psychological dance the narcissist and borderline consciously or unconsciously enter into stirring up highly charged feelings that she feels fulfill many early, unresolved conflicts.In Lachkar's view, each partner needs the other to play out his or her personal relationship drama.Lachkar proposed that within narcissistic-borderline relationships there exists two developmentally stymied and arrested people who seduce, entice, or coerce one another into playing out certain roles, as they bring the past into the present, and play out their archaic experiences.Lachkar believes that due to the borderline's false self and compliant, chameleon-like personality, for a short time he or she is able to play-act at being the perfect mirroring object for the narcissist, but this role rapidly deteriorates.In any ongoing relationship drama between them, the narcissist requires a borderline to worship him or her and to fuel his or her insecure yet nascent self, and the borderline requires a narcissist in order to be constantly mirrored.
In her current book, How to Talk to a Narcissist (2008), Lachkar continues her profound insight into the workings of the mind of the narcissist and presents a well thought-out basis for the observation that much has been written on narcissism but little attention has been paid specifically to how to communicate with a narcissist.Her stated purpose in writing this book was to help therapists, patients, and others who interact with narcissists become more aware of how they deal with the various types of narcissism, and to use language and techniques that will allow them to communicate more effectively with the complex personality of the narcissist.Lachkar's work encompasses many theoretical perspectives including Heinz Kohut and his theory of Self-Psychology and presents Self-Psychology's applicability to the narcissist personality, including a new approach that she has developed, called "empathology."
In Lachkar's book, she emphasizes that various communication styles may be applicable to the types of narcissists described in the book, which includes the pathological narcissist, the malignant narcissist, the antisocial narcissist, the depressive narcissist, the obsessive-compulsive narcissist, the passive-aggressive narcissist, the artistic narcissist, and the cross-cultural narcissist, but she states that it is necessary to delineate the varying psychodynamic structures and qualitative distinctions of each personality type for effective treatment.For example, a pathological narcissistic may become personally injured when not properly mirrored or when his or her sense of specialness is not validated, whereas an antisocial narcissist may be insulted when exposed as having committed a criminal act, but show no feelings of guilt or remorse. In Lachkar's view, a pathological narcissist may share the same grandiose, omnipotent, and delusional aspects as the malignant narcissist but will not be deliberately sadistic or cruel. In her view, the common narcissist is most interested in finding self-objects to mirror and affirm the nascent self, and when these self-object needs are not available, will withdraw and isolate him or herself as well.It was noted throughout the book that all forms of narcissism are not static but are fluid and may shift, given the circumstances.
Lachkar has created the concept of the V-spot, meaning the vulnerable spot that describes the emotional vulnerability that stems from early childhood injuries and is the product of early trauma that one unwillingly retains throughout adult life and which can be aroused by even the slightest event.In treating narcissist pathology in our practices, we have all experienced the personal trauma that even the most innocuous incident may trigger a full-blown negative reaction.Lachkar points out throughout the book how effective communication involves not only learning how to talk to the narcissist but also to understand and to help the narcissist understand what it is that disrupts communication and how to deal with it. This book makes some excellent observations, particularly the need within the therapist for tolerance of chaos and disorder.No patient comes in a neat package, but the narcissist in particular, requires "special handling."
Although each chapter was excellent, two chapters will be highlighted: "The Depressive Narcissist" (p. 55) and the "Description of Women Who Chose to Stay with a Depressive Narcissist" (p. 57).In Lachkar's view, depressive narcissists usually "hook up" with personality types ranging from the caretaker, to the borderline, to the histrionic. Lachkar stresses that not all women who stay with the various narcissistic personalities are mentally disturbed or have a pathological disorder.In fact, many women stay for such primary reasons as the desire to have a home, to avoid the destruction caused by divorce, and to maintain a marriage, a social life, and an intact family. Interestingly, many consider divorce to be far more damaging than staying in an abusive relationship.Lachkar found that these women were frequently what she has referred to as "high-functioning women," women who have not been abused nor had traumatic childhoods. They stay for a greater cause, not wanting to destroy the lives of their children.Interestingly, they clearly understand how they are being mistreated but do not take it personally.This can be contrasted with the lower functioning woman who presents with a more severe pathology because she does internalize the negative projections and she does identify and personalize them. These are the women who have had abusive, traumatic childhoods and who tend to identity with the negative projections of the depressive narcissist.It is important to be aware that the depressed narcissist may misrepresent empathy as collusion with his or her apathy or victimization, and Lachkar stresses the importance of helping the depressed narcissist stay in contact and not loose identity.Additionally, depressed patients take on certain psychotic elements and tend to confuse a mental state by becoming it, instead of feeling it, which results in paralysis and must be addressed. It is important to help the depressed narcissist see him- or herself not merely as a partial object or as a disability but as a whole object, a real person who is valued or appreciated and to come to terms with the central underlining issues of the disorder.
Another important chapter contains Lachkar's description of the treatment of the narcissistic artist and the special treatment points and therapeutic techniques necessary for treating the artistic temperament.In Lachkar's view, treatment consists of helping the artist understand how the grandiose self interferes with any interpersonal life or healthy object relations (p. 101) and how the very nature and culture of the performing arts industry is a readied platform for narcissistic injuries. Lachkar feels that it is essential to help the artist understand how destructive teachers, choreographers, conductors, or producers can enact and stir up archaic injuries from parental neglect and abuse, and how the artist develops special defense mechanisms in the service of the ego.In her formulation, the artist develops a protective layer against injury, learns "how to take it," learns how to manage criticism, judgment, corrections, pain, and adversary, and teaches him or her self how to get through anything without compassion or empathy for the self.In Lachkar's view, the advice that therapists can offer artists is that their over-emphasis on perfectionism destroys individuality and creativity and can produce robot-like results.It is the goal of the therapist to help the artist learn to not "put up" with abuse or take in the negative projections of others and to face personal shortcomings and not to blame others, to learn to focus on strengths rather than weaknesses, and most of all, to enjoy one's art and make it playful.
The book consists of ten chapters: His Majesty the Narcissist, The Pathological Narcissist, The Malignant Narcissist, The Antisocial Narcissist, The Depressive Narcissist, The Obsessive-Compulsive Narcissist, The Passive-Aggressive: The "Poor Me" Victim, The Narcissist the Artist, The Cross-Cultural Narcissist, and Recapitulation and Closing Thoughts. This book is an excellent resource for clinicians at all levels of their professional training and reinforces the point of view that communicating with a narcissist is not a simple task. The book will be valuable for persons with narcissistic personalities as well, although without a background in understanding personality development from a clinical point of view the lay public might mistakenly feel that dealing with this personality style is easier than it actually is. Lachkar believes that without a new approach, particularly without the empathology language that she has developed, narcissists and their partners are doomed to continue their never-ending dance of miscommunication and frustration.In closing, (p. 136) Lachkar states that this book has been written with great respect for the cast of characters involved and with much hope that it will promotea heightened awareness of the need for sensible, thoughtful communication that leads to healthy, intimate, lasting, loving relationships.
I believe that she has certainly achieved her goal of presenting a unique perspective and I join her in hoping that it helps ease the pain of dealing with this most difficult personality pathology.

Marilyn N. Metzl, PhD is a psychoanalyst in private practice in Kansas City, Missouri and is faculty and supervisor with the Kansas City Institute for Contemporary Psychoanalysis.

Reference:
Lachkar, Joan (2008).How to Talk to a Narcissist. New York: Routledge, p. 160.
Lachkar, Joan (1992).The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment. London: Taylor and Francis: p. 218.

Amazing book
This is a great book for those who are interested in knowing a little bit more about couple's relationship.The book may be a bit misleading as it may sound pathologizing but in fact the book talks about the real dynamics of couples.

It all makes sense now.
I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and was involved in a relationship with someone that had NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)but wasn't aware when I was IN the relationship. This book helped me not only understand why he and I continued the "dance" of what seemed like never ending turmoil, but also why we were attracted to one another to begin with. Many things from our childhood determines who we choose as romantic partners. If you or someone you know is BPD and involved with an NPD, this book is a MUST read! Excellent!

The Danse Macabre
It takes two to tango - and to sustain a long-term abusive relationship. The abuser and the abused form a bond, a dynamic, and a dependence. Expressions such as "follies a deux" and the "Stockholm Syndrome (Trauma Bonding)" capture facets - two of a myriad - of this danse macabre. It often ends fatally. It is always an excruciatingly painful affair.

Lachkar's grossly overlooked book is the best introduction I know of to abusive dyads comprised of two people with personality disorders. Replete with case studies and an impressive theoretical background (mainly, but not only, Object Relations Theories) - the book is a vade mecum for both professionals and sufferers.

There is more to an abusive dyad than mere pecuniary convenience. The abuser - stealthily but unfailingly - exploits the vulnerabilities in the psychological makeup of his victim. The abused party may have low self-esteem, a fluctuating sense of self-worth, primitive defence mechanisms, phobias, mental health problems, a disability, a history of failure, or a tendency to blame herself, or to feel inadequate (autoplastic neurosis). She may have come from an abusive family or environment - which conditioned her to expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme and rare cases - the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek ill-treatment and pain. Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited". ... Read more

Product Description
This carfully crafted work on the development and treatment of borderline and narcissistic disorders reflects the sweeping changes that have taken place in psychoanalytic theory and practice. Written by Dr. Donald Rinsley, considered among the foremost of psychoanalytic teachers, clinicians, and writers, it is succinct yet comprehensive, integrating classical and object relations concepts with Mahler's developmental phase theory and the contributions of Klein, Kernberg, Kohut, and others. Excertps from actual therapy sessions demonstrate Rinsley's disciplend and compaassionate expertise as an analytic therapist. ... Read more

Product Description
Writing for both mental health professionals and those outside the field who want to better understand destructive narcissism, Brown focuses on developing awareness of destructive narcissism. She provides techniques that help lessen the impact of others' destructive narcissism and examines behavioral manifestations and processes for effecting changes in one's own behavior. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (3)

Have you ever lived with one?
I really enjoyed this book.The writing is quite informative for those receiving their first introduction to this personality type.I'm a divorce attorney and have seen, and continue to see, a record number of divorces due to this personality type.Narcissists make very poor partners and the relationship becomes toxic.Those in relationships with narcissists are continually told that they are the ones causing the problem.Due to my extensive experience with these relationships I wrote a book for my clients about the toxic/narcissistic personality type and I use my divorce cases to illustrate the toxic behaviors.The book is called "Toxic Relationships, How to Regain Lost Power in Your Relationship".Those who have read this book may also be interested to read about toxic/narcissistic relationships, how to live in them, and improve them.

The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern changed my life!
This is an excellent book which thoroughly addresses the signs of symptoms of the narcissistic personality.For years I used to think, "If I could only find the right words,I could explain to my husband how much his behavior is hurting me and others." Professor Brown has a deep understanding of what the experience is like for a family member. She not only addresses the behavior of the person with narcissistic behavior, but the thoughts, feelings and experience of loved ones.She gives guidelines and coping strategies to establish clear boundaries.

Partial Narcissists
Pathological narcissism is a spectrum - from narcissistic traits and narcissistic transient reactions to the full blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Brown explores the grey area between NPD and narcissistic self-destructiveness and other-destruction. We can group these behaviors according to their underlying motivation. The Self-Punishing, Guilt-Purging Behaviours - these are intended to inflict punishment and to provide the punished party with a feeling of instant relief. The Extracting Behaviours - people with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. PDs interpret intimacy (not DEPENDENCE, but intimacy) as strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, death in installments. They are terrorized by it. The self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. The Default Behaviours - self-defeating behaviors are intended to preserve the past, to restore it, to protect it from the winds of change, to inertially avoid opportunities. All these behaviour patterns are described here and linked psychodynamically to pathological narcissism. Sam Vaknin, author of 'Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited'. ... Read more

Product Description
Everybody knows someone with a High-Conflict Personality (HCP)."How can he be so unreasonable? So totally rigid and self-centered?" "Why does she keep fighting so much? Can't she see how destructive she is?""Can you believe they're going to court over ___________?" (You fill in the issue). How often have you asked yourself these questions about clients, or even about co-workers, friends, neighbors, family members or someone who is taking you to court?

After handling more than a thousand legal cases from three professional points of view--as an attorney, mediator and clinical social worker--author, Bill Eddy, recognized some surprising patterns to the high-conflict cases that are threatening to overwhelm our courts:

1. The level and cost of conflict is not based on the issues or on the amount of money involved:personalities drive conflict.
2. High-conflict personalities have a life-long, enduring pattern of behavior and blame, typically denying responsibility for their problems and chronically blaming others.
3. Many HCPs fit the criteria of Cluster B personality disorders described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association.
4. People with HCPs are more likely to escalate their disputes into court, either as plaintiffs bringing suit over misplaced blame for events in their lives, or as defendants due to interpersonal misconduct that harms others and needs to be controlled.
5. The disputes of HCPs are generally misunderstood and mishandled, and continue to escalate at a huge cost to our judicial system and our society in terms of time, money and emotional distress for all involved.

Using over two dozen compelling case examples, attorney, therapist, and mediator, Bill Eddy explains the dynamics and strange logic of four types of Personality Disorders that appear in legal disputes. With thirty years of dispute resolution experience in three professions, Bill provides practical advice that anyone can use to manage high conflict people - and to resolve their emotionally draining and costly disputes. ... Read more

Product Description
Cornell University, Ithaca, New York. Text for psychiatrists and psychotherapists on a difficult to diagnose and treat disorder. DNLM: Narcissism. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (2)

What am I doing here? !
I'm not surprised that it's Sam who is the only other reviewer (so far?). As a former computer programmer, I love the flowcharts explaining who's on first, what's on etc., of each of the main brain patterns.

The first 3-4 chapters and the last few give detailed explanations of what we're doing in therapy and how, slicing it thinner than Emeril.

The taped supervisory sessions could make you puke, if, like me, you're a patient who's been struggling with her therapists' countertransferencefor far too long.

Need to be fluent in self-object jargon (which, after a year of self-study, I am). Also, unclear to me, on first reading of patient sessions, tone or intent of JM's comments (not 'interpretations'), but that's likely(!) my defense...

Outing the Narcissist
Masterson is one of the few theoreticians [come] practitioners to offer a coherent and self-sufficient theory of personality disorders, including the narcissistic one. This book encourages diagnosticians to diagnose pathological narcissism, even when the presenting signs are misleading. Masterson believes in the unacanny ability of pernicious narcissism to disguise itself and manifest in numerous, uncharted, ways. His is a road map backed by impressive amounts of research and practice. The only drawback is that it presents only the views of the psychodynamic [come]object relations school of psychology and largely ignores advances in other fields.Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited". ... Read more

Product Description
Patients with narcissistic pathology are challenging to most therapists, especially students, because of the countertransference that they elicit. This text describes theories of narcissism and countertransference. Four in-depth case studies are presented by doctoral students with varying levels of experience. The authors share their experience of the case and how understanding their countertransference improved their work with these patients. The text demonstrates how countertransference can be embraced and utilized in therapeutically effective ways. ... Read more

Product Description
An indepth view of the most significant theoretical and clinical issues in contemporary group therapy. A gold mine of comparative study to understand and explain group phenomena. ... Read more

Product Description
Belinda is going through verbal and emotional abuse at the hands of her husband of 15 years.She learns some decisions can be very complicated and have to be evaluated on different levels, but sometimes one must have the courage to make the tough decisions. What looks good on the outside may not represent what is on the inside.Will she find her refuge in the comfort of her family or will she go back to the man she loves? ... Read more