Product Description
Successfully navigate the minefield of misinformation that can prevent justice from being done in child sexual abuse cases!

From the Foreword, by Robert Geffner, PhD, editor of the Journal of Child Sexual Abuse: “Too often, the public and some professionals have been misled by media publicity and articles . . . that appear scientific, but in reality, are biased opinions or over-generalized research. Forensic cases are being decided in many courts based upon the recommendations of so-called 'expert witnesses’who do not actually know the clinical research or understand the dynamics of such abusive relationships.”

This much-needed book points out and corrects misinformation that everyone who works with victims, offenders, or families in which sexual abuse has occurred needs to understand clearly. Especially vital in today's political climate, Misinformation Concerning Child Sexual Abuse and Adult Survivors gives you state-of-the-science information on such myths as “false memory syndrome,” “recovered memory therapy,” and the “lack of harm” to some sexually abused boys.

Misinformation Concerning Child Sexual Abuse and Adult Survivors examines:

• forensic issues, including the “false memory” defense and how the long-term impact of childhood sexual abuse is often misrepresented in court
• three separate expert examinations of Rind, Tromovitch, and Bauserman's well-known--and often misrepresented--review of long-term child sexual abuse outcomes
• treatment recommendations and guidelines for addressing the memory controversy in clinical practice
• the fascinating case history/cautionary tale of the child molester Robert Halsey, who was convicted and sentenced to two life sentences in 1993, and how public and academic resources were misused to claim he was wrongly convicted

Customer Reviews (2)

misinformation leads to continued victimization
Oftentimes, lay people as well as professionals respond to perceptions of child sexual abuse that have no basis in fact.The impact of sexual abuse does not always follow a straight and logical path.However, research in the field of child sexual abuse clearly indicates that it has long-term negative consequences for which its victims and their families are not prepared.Narrowly focused studies such as Rind, Tromovitch, and Bauserman only serve to misinform society and perpetuate the notion that sex with children is equivalent to sex with adults, further exacerbating the problem.This book presents evidence based on a broad review of the research literature that indicates sex with children is harmful to the victims and society.

Both Sexual Abuse and False Claims of Sexual Abuse are Real
The author makes an important case for taking sexual abuse seriously. However, defending a particular person against false claims of abuse is not the same as denying the reality of sexual abuse in general. Also, not all erotic relationships commonly seen as 'sexual' abuse are involuntary or harmful to the minor, as has been rediscovered through the work of Rind, Tromovitch and Bauserman, and others.
Realism is a matter of taking all sides, facets and dimensions seriously. In present-day society there is a general tendency to over-simplify by ignoring data rather than integrating them in our world-view or theory. Misinformation is allways wrong.

Titus Rivas ... Read more

Product Description
Lois Einhorn deals with one of the most despicable aspects of crime that plagues modern society. -Arun GandhiDuring her healing process, Dr. Einhorn shared her horrific story of ritualistic child abuse with a variety of influential people and asked, "What would YOU do?Do you forgive your parents?HOW do you forgive yourself?"Fifty-three people responded, including: Mumia Abu-Jamal, Patch Adams, M.D., Edward Asner, Rubin "Hurricane" Carter, Laura Davis, Thomas F. Eagleton, Albert Ellis, Paul Ferrini, Lynne Finney, Arun Gandhi, Bishop Thomas J. Gumbleton, Linda Hogan, Rabbi Steven Jacobs, Bill T. Jones, Mary Elizabeth King,, Robert Muller, Daniel Quinn, Robert C. Scaer, M.D., Pete Seeger, Bernie Siegel, M.D., Gerry Spence, Richard E. Vatz, Kurt Waldheim, Everett L. Worthington, Jr., This is a unique and powerful book destined to encourage discussion, dialogue, and debate; and many of the responses will challenge readers to move from a paradigm of revenge and fear to one of love and forgiveness - regardless of the severity of the atrocities. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (12)

I think Forgiveness is the wrong word
Why should a conscious act of evil be forgiven? A person chose to commit an evil act on the victim of their own free will. It was a decision, an act of conscious evil.
To forgive someone for that is somewhat ridiculous. Its a bit like getting punched in the face and then immediately saying 'I forgive you.' What good does it serve? That doesnt mean you wallow in hatred or self-loathing.
But I find the notion that somehow the victim to 'forgive' themselves, has to 'forgive' the person who consciouslly committed an evil act on a defenseless child is repulsive. In some way it seems to remove the consciousness and willfullness from the crime.
I think a better word is acceptance. Acceptance in the victim that him/her was abused, that they were betrayed, that it was wrong, that evil does indeed exist in this world, and acceptance of the hardships this trauma put into their life.
In this way the abused can see the abuser as just a form of evil that existed in the past and put it behind them. Frankly why does the abuser deserve another thought from the abused?

A Child's Hero
Lois Einhorn's book is nothing short of heroic.She has spoken for many children, particularly girls.The little girls who were small and helpless, who had to remain silent to survive. She has made it clear, at least to me, that none of us are alone in our journey to become whole.

This is a book for anyone who has reason to believe or suspect they have been abused.This is a book written from the heart of a child, not a Therapist, removing the techical terminology.If the memories are repressed, this book will bring them out of the dark and into conciousness, at least in glimpses.It is at this point, though not easy, the memories will start to heal.We cannot heal if we do not see what is in need of healing.

Lois Einhorn is an angel, a brave and selfless angel.

Essential Reading For The Wounded Soul
The format for this book is what makes it so helpful. Lois offers no solutions, no formulas, no "pat" answers, no "shoulds".Instead, she allows the guest contributors to pose responses (not answers) to her questions about forgiveness, shame, blame, guilt, and about self-forgiveness. I found it to be very therapeutic to read through it, one brief chapter at a time, and then to take "time out" after each one to reflect a little on my own situation and decide how the ideas of various contributors meshed, or conflicted with my own. I found my own thoughts and feelings changing, shifting, emerging, and transforming as I reflected on the ideas being presented.

I liked that the book allowed for a wide range of conflicting points of view - which made me even more aware of how forgiveness needs to be an individual choice and an individual process - if it is pursued at all. There is no question that this is one of the most important healing resources available to people who are carrying wounds and burdens that need to be addressed. I am about to begin re-reading it now (one short chapter a day is the way that works best for me - to allow the necessary self-reflection time. I would highly recommend it for anyone who serves to help other people to let go of wounded energies, and to those who carry the unresolved trauma inside of themselves. It is an important piece of work and a brilliant alternative to all the useless "how-to" manuals that are a waste of time when dealing with issues of complicated trauma and abuse.

Dr. Einhorn's personal story is not an easy read. Her personal story of victimization is worse than anything I can imagine, and the fact that she has the bravery and courage to share her pain and her triumphant recovery with the world, through this book, is a testiment to the strength of the Spirit of Good-Will that lives deeper than the most evil demons that lurk within us all. I feel blessed to have run across this book and I am sure that it has moved me forward in huge steps in terms of my understanding of what it means to forgive, let go, and move on. Thank you, Lois Einhorn. God Bless you. Your willingness to illuminate the personal process, if not the pathway to healing makes you not just a wise communicator, but a respected leader in my books.

Self-help to healing

Reviewed by LuAnn Morgan for RebeccasReads (6/08)

When Lois Einhorn was a child, she endured unspeakable abuse. She was beaten, tortured and sexually assaulted by the two people who were entrusted to nurture and care for her - her parents.In writing this book, Ms. Einhorn asked a variety of people from all walks of life to read her story and contemplate the answer to the question, "Would you forgive?" The answers she received ran through an entire gamut of alternatives. Some said yes, others said no. Yet, it was the ones who refused to answer or who shared their feelings and left the answer up to her (and the reader) that make up the most crucial responses. These are the opinions that seem to bring the readers closer to the heart of the issue as it forces them to think about what they themselves would do in a similar situation.

The book begins with a brief history of what Einhorn (and her sister) went through as children. The heart-rending tale of the horrors these two little girls lived with day in and day out will make the reader take pause and thank God for the parents he or she had.
Could anything be worse than a child forced to crawl around on all fours for an entire day, while being beaten and gorged with wires and electrocuted? Could anything be worse than being tortured and forced to torture your own sister and kill animals?
The answer, unfortunately, is yes. What is truly worse is to live with the after-effects of growing up in those conditions and then, having to suffer the guilt of taking part in the psychotic schemes of two obviously disturbed adults.

That's what Einhorn had to come to terms with and it's the reason behind the book.
The responders include journalists, authors, doctors, trauma experts, psychologists, actors, activists, researchers, educators, politicians, religious leaders and more. They also include men who for one reason or another are serving time in prison for their own crimes against society.

The answers will, at times, make the reader angry, especially when they question Einhorn's feelings. The fact that she survived and went on to make enormous strides in her life is nothing short of miraculous. She has every reason to be commended for her contributions as an adult to the world we all face daily.

Truly, this book ranks at the top of those contributions. It is a book that will provide solace to those who have faced similar violence and to those who haven't. They are the ones who need to come to an acceptance and understanding about the suffering many children have to endure.They are also the ones who can step forward and try to put a stop to that same suffering.

I found "Forgiveness and Child Abuse" nothing short of phenomenal. It's a wonderfully candid and thoughtful book that takes the reader on a voyage of discovery into a world few are privy to.This book will stay on my shelf until I meet someone who needs it for their own healing. At that point, I will pass it on.

A deeply healing experience
I found an article on Lois Einhorn's book in the newsletter of A Course in Miracles, and instantly knew I must have it. When I read the book, I could not take my eyes from the pages. I recognized in Lois a kindred soul, and recognized also the self-contempt and selfhatred we as torture-victims have etched into our soul.
As most abuse-survivors know, it is so difficult to let go of this self-hatred: it comes from being programmed to believe that what happened, happened because we deserved it, because we were inherent GUILTY. It's lodged in our cells. Daniel Quinn, one of the 53 people who gave their view on forgiving the unforgivable, writes: "The torture devised by your parents for you and your sister was specially designed to destroy your humanity by forcing you to become torturers yourselves."
And: "The scar they wanted you to bear forever was a guilt that must seem unforgivable no matter how clearly it's shown to be understood."
By writing this now, I still feel the tremendous gratitude I felt by reading Quinn's words - recognizing the truth in them -as well as the other 52 writers' contribution. For anyone having been abused, knows that it all comes down to forgiving, and we surely need all the help we can get on HOW to forgive. The book lifted me up and allowed me to see my own shining humanity: it was not destroyed. It allowed me to look deeply into my torturers' soul; and find it there too; hidden behind a guilt so deep that they needed to put it on someone outside themselves to survive.
And I felt a huge joy spread inside: as an adult, I could have chosen to do the same with my child - and I did not.
So where there was selfhatred and agonizing selfcontempt and disgust before, is joy now. We can survive, when we remember who we truly are - and this book has helped me to remember.


... Read more

Product Description
This is the thoroughly revised and updated edition of the best-selling guide for families of children who have been molested. First published in 1988, this new edition includes current research and information on the nature and effects of molestation on boys and girls, as well as proven techniques for therapy, healing, and recovery. Using everyday language, the authors provide information, comfort, and advice on how to put the pieces back together again after a child has been sexually molested. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (8)

Simplistic, easy read.
I found the book helpful for its overall message in trying to help a parent navigate through this nightmare.In that authors do give an accurate view of what a family can expect for a situation that is completely unknown to them and can't go and "ask a neighbor" for their advice.

I do believe though that the statistical info needs to updated and parents should be more prepared for the forensic exam and interviewer.These people automatically suspect the parents are guilty BEFORE proven innocent in allowing this to happen to their child.

Voice of sanity during a difficult time
I wish that I had already had this book on my shelf.It would have helped us during the days of, "What are we supposed to do?How can we support our child?"Brohl does a good job of explaining the process of what goes on in a child's head and body during an abusive situation and she goes into enough detail of the legal process to be helpful.Each case is very different, so it's not a road map of how your case will end up.I LOVED THE CHECKLISTS scattered throughout - they were simple, useful tools when your brain is so full of other details.

help for abused child & family
an outstanding book for the abused child family & friends.includes steps to recovery.

Practical guidance
This book had some great practical guidance for the family going through the trauma of child abuse. I highly recommend it!!

Read this before your child discloses the molestation
I was unprepared to hear my 5 yr. old disclose that our neighbor had molested her.The Sheriff's department focused on her and as a parent I needed to understand what to do for her and for me.This book helps teach you how to respond to your child when they disclose.With so many children being molested, the likelihood is greater than you think.If you are not prepared, your emotions get in the way of supporting your child when they need it most.If I'd have read this book before, I would have responded differently.I recommend reading it even if your child hasn't been molested.....yet. ... Read more

Product Description

Product Description
Help children overcome the increasing dangers they face because of their parents’ addictions

Impact of Substance Abuse on Children and Families addresses the growing concern over children at risk of developing physical and mental health problems because of their parents’ addictions to alcohol and other drugs (AOD), including a chapter on the troubling increase of methamphetamine abuse by parents. The book’s contributors examine current research findings from the United States, Australia, Ireland, and Israel to provide much-needed insight into the effects of addiction on family dynamics, parental attachment styles, and family characteristics. The book also looks at the impact of addiction on school-aged children and on mothers in residential treatment with their children, survey assessment instruments and treatment outcomes, and the value of Student Assistance Services for older children.

Almost 25 percent of children in the United States live in a household where a parent or other adult is a heavy or binge drinker. More than 10 percent live in family where illicit drugs are used. Children of alcoholics are nearly 10 times more likely to develop an alcohol use disorder as other children, and often develop behavior problems such as depression, anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, conduct disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder. Children of illicit drug abusers are more likely than other children to demonstrate immature, impulsive, or irresponsible behavior, to have lower IQ scores, and poorer school attendance. Impact of Substance Abuse on Children and Families focuses on these critical and often ignored aspects of addiction, providing the latest evidence-based qualitative and quantitative research findings, as well as a summary of available literature.

Impact of Substance Abuse on Children and Families examines:

the impact on children at various developmental stages

the role of the family as a treatment resource

alcohol problems and marriage

parental attachment styles of drug-using fathers

family cohesion and adaptability

self-in-relations theory

family-centered service models

the Strengths and Difficulties Questionnaire (SDQ)

adolescent substance abuse treatment

online treatment optionsImpact of Substance Abuse on Children and Families is an essential resource for both academics and practitioners working in social work, addictions counseling, sociology, psychology, public health, and family and children’s studies. ... Read more

Product Description
Child sexual abuse is a major social problem. Child welfare workers have seen a dramatic increase in the number of cases: surveys, reviewed in this volume, suggest that between 15 and 50 percent of girls, and a significant number of boys, suffer such experiences.

Unfortunately, credible research on this problem has been scarce. Because it is `new', hidden and hard to study, clinicians and policy-makers have had to rely largely on intuition and anecdote rather than reliable data. Little by little, however, research findings have begun to accumulate.

Product Description
At least three common themes help to explain the main reasons for parental child abuse.First, many child abusers themselves suffered abuse as children or had unhappy or insecure childhoods.Second, child abuse often happens when the family is experiencing emotional or financial stress.Third, child abuse is more likely to happen in families that are socially isolated and have few or no friends or little or no contact with relatives. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (1)

not a book. clinical definitions of abuses.
this reads like content from a hotline brochure. it was a great intro, but quite vague if you are trying to figure out where your life experience fits in. ... Read more

Product Description
This courageous and powerful book is a first step in addressing the secrecy, distress, anger, and fear surrounding female sexual abuse of children.Refuting the rationales for our lack of attention to the problem and contradicting some commonly held beliefs about sexual abuse, it combines accounts from survivors with input from professionals working with both survivors and abusers.
Part I presents contributions from professionals who discuss aspects of female sexual abuse ranging from impact and treatment issues for victims of childhood sexual abuse by female perpetrators to the paradox of women who sexually abuse children.The second part is devoted to survivors--it presents stories from both men and women, then provides self-help guidelines for both.The book concludes with a valuable section on resources which includes a review of the existing literature on female child molestation as well as a listing of pertinent books and help organizations.
FEMALE SEXUAL ABUSE OF CHILDREN also addresses the controversial issue of current statistics that show that female sexual abuse is very rareand the question of whether it is being underreported due to fear from survivors that they will not be believed or supported. Regardless of the true magnitude of this problem, secrecy or denial about any aspect of child abuse must be avoided.Whatever future studies may show about this problem, it will not diminish this book's importance in taking the step of exploring this issue.
... Read more

Customer Reviews (5)

No information of value
This was a waste of time.It is old and the information is outdated.Outside of telling me there are other victims there is little value.I am 58 yr. old male, abused @ 13-17 by married woman.This book did not have the answers I need.

Differences in ways female intrafamilial sex offenders abuse children.
This book explains issues that apply to survivors as well as predators, but the emphasis is on the former.It begins with the myths about female sexual offenders, the incidence of their attacks and what a suvivor needs to look for in a therapy and the choice of therapist.It is particularly difficult to disclose incest by a female relative to a woman therapist.Particularly if the therapist has similar unresolved issues and one's case serves as a trigger for her own memories.In one or two chapters, the author states what feelings predominate in a female sex offender and the types of dynamics involved during their offenses.If you are a survivor, male or female, you will find the anecdotes of former female and male victims quite useful.The author selected stories that differ significantly in the ways that female offenders abuse children so that everyone who reads this book will find a particular story that one identifies with the most.I wish I had read this book before joining a support group.There's a chapter towards the end that gives detailed explantions on how to form a support group and how to make it work in an efficient, compassionate and empathetic manner for everyone involved.

Note: I used the term "the author" to refer to the content presented in the book, but each chapter is a contribution by a different person.

One of the 1st, one of the Best
Elliot's book was one of the first texts on the issue of female sex offenders and remains one of the best.

Female Sexual Abuse of Children
A real eye opener.Great intro to each chapter preparing you for the content.Serves as a warning to make sure you are ready for what it is about to say.Great job on a difficult subject.

A rare book on this too often ignored tragedy
It's lucky that this book is so comprehensive, because it's one of the few books available on this topic.The small publishing house Safer Society (VT) carries some of the only books on this topic. ... Read more

Product Description
Child maltreatment professionals from all disciplines struggle to find better ways of understanding and treating the families and children affected by maltreatment.Since the mid-1960s, the "battered child syndrome," and recent high-profile abuse cases, a plethora of research and literature on child maltreatment has emerged, yet this is the first volume to offer a comprehensive integrated analysis for understanding, assessing, and treating child maltreatment within the ecological framework in a developmental context. This framework systematically organizes and integrates the complex empirical literature in child maltreatment and development, including the often-overlooked period of adolescence. Viewing child maltreatment from an ecological perspective, this volume identifies the risk and protective factors correlated with abuse and neglect.The authors present a comprehensive assessment framework, addressing the multiple developmental and environmental factors unique to each case.This framework fully considers risk and protective factors and their relationship to individuals, families, and environmental elements, presenting a much-needed perspective for today's child protective services workers. Understanding Child Maltreatment is the first of its kind.While most books broadly address the developmental consequences of maltreatment, this volume goes further by proposing assessment and intervention strategies based on a deep understanding of each stage of a child's development.Interventions center on the caregiver and the family, with particular attention to parenting skills and the challenges the child may experience within his or her developmental stage.Each chapter emphasizes empirically based interventions and includes a case illustration that guides readers in applying these concepts to their own practice.Providing a comprehensive, nuanced perspective on maltreatment, this book will be invaluable to students, researchers, and professionals. ... Read more

Product Description
Why are some children abused or neglected? What can be done to protect and help them? A key element of informed decision making is knowing what sort of problems are amenable to what sort of intervention, in what circumstances, and with what degree of certainty. Effective Interventions for Child Abuse and Neglect provides a thorough and detailed review of the available research, and makes suggestions as to how this evidence can be incorporated into professional child protection work.
Geraldine Macdonald first considers the range of evaluative tools available, with illustrations from existing research studies and reviews, and appraises their respective merits and limitations. She then describes the interplay of a range of causal factors in abuse and neglect, and considers different types of maltreatment and their potential consequences. Evidence for effective preventative and therapeutic measures are considered next, followed by a final section on accurate assessment and the use of formal tools in risk management.

... Read more

Product Description
Breakthrough Treatment Offers New Hope for Recovery

Gentling represents a new paradigm in the therapeutic approach to children who have experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse and have acquired Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result. This text redefines PTSD in child abuse survivors by identifying child-specific behavioral signs commonly seen, and offers a means to individualize treatment and measure therapeutic outcomes through understanding each suffering child's unique symptom profile. The practical and easily understood Gentling approachesand techniques can be easily learned by clinicians, parents, foster parents, teachers and all other care givers of these children to effect real and lasting healing. With this book, you will:

Product Description
In this groundbreaking companion to The Courage to Heal, Laura Davis offers an inspiring, in-depth workbook that speaks to all women and men healing from the effects of child sexual abuse. The combination of checklists, writing and art Projects, open-ended questions and activities expertly guides the survivor through the healing process.

Customer Reviews (41)

The Courage to Heal
Very useful book, not too wordy.Clearly set out with plenty of space for individuals to write in the book against set questions etc.

An excellent challenge that leads the way to healing
I'm about half way through the workbook so far. I like it very much. The book pushes me to think hard about my past and challenges me to change bad habits. This is a great book for me--it was just what I needed to continue healing and growing.

Courage to Heal workbook is good.
This is a good book to use in working through your issues.I also got another book called Surviving the Secret by Pam Vredevelt and Kathy Rodriguez.It is a little easier to work through.

workbook perfect to stir up ways to express self in a gentle way
workbook very creative for asking the right questions that lead to the process of healing

The Courage To Heal Workbook
A "must have" companion to the "The Courage to Heal" book.Workbook would be best experienced within a therapeutic setting or group. The content is not "light" reading! ... Read more

Product Description
The problem of child abuse has become increasingly evident in North America and Western Europe.Many countries are now struggling with issues involving the definition of child maltreatment, reporting requirements, processes for responding to reports, substantiation rates, and services to abused children and their families.This book illustrates alternative approaches to dealing with these problems by examining and comparing the designs of child abuse systems in nine countries:the US, English, Canada, Netherlands, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Belgium, and Sweden. ... Read more

Product Description
Heal and Forgive presents a first-hand description of child abuse and navigates the reader through the distinctive stumbling blocks encountered by adult survivors of abuse who are attempting to forgive. This thought-provoking illustration offers new hope to those who have given up at the prospect of forgiving. Many survivors of abuse long to forgive their abusers; however, many common approaches to forgiveness are not appropriate for situations involving abuse. This work demonstrates to the survivor the additional steps necessary to achieve forgiveness in the face of abuse.Surprisingly, it is often the very process of not forgiving, of acknowledging the pain, and taking the steps to heal that frees the abused to forgive. This book clearly points to the need to validate their story with a sympathetic listener, express their anger in appropriate ways, mourn for their losses, and protect themselves and others from re-injury. Further, this work explains to the individual that forgiveness does not mean excusing. No one needs to forgive the acts perpetrated against them in order to let go of resentment and forgive the being who harmed them.Forgiveness is not an event of immediacy. It's not a bolt of lightning that brightens the soul and burns the pain to ashes. Forgiveness is a process that is transformational. When all is said and done, the final process is an act of love. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (11)

Finally!
It was about three years ago I came across the title of this book on a recommended book list on an online PTSD support group.The title caught my eye immediately and I really liked what it said, something I had never heard anyone say when it came to forgiveness.

Before I go on, I want to point out that this book is not just for people who have been physically abused, it is for anyone who has ever been abused or hurt for any reason.Emotional abuse of any kind.

All I had ever heard people say and struggled with on this subject of healing was, as Crochet Lover put so well in their review below:

"aren't we all taught to leave the past behind, forgive other's wrongs, and be family no matter what? Don't they tell us that unless we do these things, we won't heal?"

To me that is as ridiculous as having third degree burns on your skin and saying it doesn't hurt to make everyone else feel better or to make yourself look good or saying it because everyone else says it will stop the burns from hurting.That is magical thinking and it is not real or true and it would be like living a lie.Those burns aren't going to heal just because we say they don't hurt.It takes time, help and a lot of self care which is part of the process of healing.It isn't until those burns heal that the skin doesn't hurt anymore and one can say it doesn't hurt anymore and mean it and it is true.Scars may still remain and be a reminder of what you went through, but they don't hurt so much anymore and you are stronger for having come through the process and surviving it.

YES, that is what we are taught from the time we are young, from our Parents, The Church, and shows like Oprah and Dr. Phil.We are constantly told "you need to forgive to heal, that we need to do it to help us heal and if we don't we will be sick and do more harm to ourselves so we really have to do it for our sake, not the abusers sake.It has never made any sense to me that you just say "I forgive you" and suddenly everything is all better.I have never done or felt that, bought into it, or believed it.Saying it doesn't make it so.

I have to wonder how many people that say they have forgiven someone right off the bat, really feels and believes that or if they say it so others will think better of them.That is something I could never do, it would be a lie for me and that was real to me and something I couldn't and wouldn't do.

I just could never find anyone who could validate my feelings and not try to guilt me and tell me I was a bad person if I didn't forgive.That is until Nancy Richards came along.

I had to be sure though, that I wasn't going to buy another book on forgiveness that told me I just needed to forgive and I would feel better or try to lay a guilt trip on me, as has been done by the others above.So I wrote to Nancy and asked her and her email back to me was the first time anyone ever validatedwhat I have experienced and known and believed my whole life.The religious aspect was of up most importance, I could not take one more person trying to guilt me into forgivness or else be a bad person and disappoint God.In her reply, I quickly learned that she had gone through all that as well and that she had done all the research on it and it is all in the book and that forgiveness, like just about everything else, is a Process!It doesn't just happen because we say the words and I knew that and I knew this was a book I had to read.

I couldn't put the book down until I finished it and the next day I took it to my therapist and told her Nancy had done it, not only did she put into words what I felt but could not put into words about the saying "I forgive" as the way to feel better and heal, she actually figured out, from living it out in her own experience and doing what was truly right for her and being real and true to herself.In the end it was in that process of doing what she had to do to protect herself and save herself and staying true to herself and her true feelings, that was what eventually lead her to true forgiveness for her.It was then that it became clear that forgiveness, if and when it comes, is the result of a natural progression which is the process of healing, often long process, where forgiveness comes as a result of living through the pain and the ups and downs and all the struggles.

And may I add, that process can/does include ANGER, yes Anger.Another thing that is looked down upon and makes us look like "bad and unchristian like.We are told it is very bad for us.While anger can and does affect our physical health and is not good long term, it was part of the proces, to process the anger which is really any combination of hurt, fear and frustration, true and valid human emotion than can result from abuse or injustice.To deny those feelings would be a lie and make us even sicker.

The other thing that can be part of the process, as it was for Nancy and me, was ESTRANGEMENT which is also viewed by others as a negative and bad thing on our part.In actuality it may be necesessary and good to do as part of the process of healing.I will also say that there is something very significant about that which I only came to realize, know and live by going through it on my road to healing.That is that when the forgiveness came and the estrangement was over, everything was different is a good way.Even though the people I was estranged from didn't change, I did and so I was in a place where they no longer had any power over me or ability to hurt me anymore.That is huge.

When I finished the book I felt validated and I got it, I got it was a process which meant that I didn't finish the book and say OK now I can forgive.Rather I continued on my own journey of healing and all the pain that entailed, knowing that going through this process was the way to get to forgiveness if it were going to happen and I did't worry about forgiveness anymore or about what anyone else thought about me or what anyone else told me.Forgivness wasn't the answer, healing was and only through healing does true forgiveness comes.I was already living in the healing process when I read this book but didn't realize it at the time and it still took another 2 years after I finished Nancy's book, but it happened and it is not something I can put into words or explain, I just lived it and felt it.

I am so incredibly grateful that Nancy was able to put it into words and I think this book should be on the shelf of every therapist and minister and person suffering and while I am at it, I think she should send a copy to Oprah and Dr. Phil so maybe they will stop promoting forgiveness to heal and stop laying unnecessary guilt on people who are suffering because of an injustice that they had no control over. I do not believe anyone should ever try to guilt someone or try to convince someone into believing that forgivness is the road to healing, just the opposite.

I ended up here today because I just purchased another copy of this book for a friend through Amazon.The first copy I got at the book store so I never saw it on Amazon.I have shared it and what it teaches with many people and especially in support groups where I continue to hear people tell those who express their own struggles with forgiveness, that they must forgive to heal.I just can't stand to hear that or worse think that person might actually struggle and suffer more because they believed it and because they coudln't do it, think they were a bad person.

I thanked Nancy when I finished the book and I thank her even more now, now that I have lived the process and come out of the other side.

Heal & Forgive - Refreshing & Purposeful!
Thank You Nancy for being so open and honest about the journey you have been on for so many years. This book opens a world of hope and healing to the many who will read it. This book is a must read if you have or are struggling with friends, family and others in the area of unforgiveness. Thank you Nancy for your hard work in light of all the trauma that you went through to get this book to print. It will be a great help to all those who read it.

George

Wow - what a message! Heal first, forgive next...........
Heal & Forgive -- I devoured this book in one evening.And I commented on it in a family rift blog site on the web.I didn't have the same abuse as the author did, but most of my abuse came from my own older sister over many years - emotional (putting me down at every turn) and physical (as in hitting - using hangers, elastic belts, etc.). I don't believe my Mom was witness to any of the physical abuse but I do know that she heard much of what sister would say to me -- and did nothing.My dad worked shift work so he was not around and Mom didn't believe anything I would tell her about sister saying / doing to me.... I learned to never saying anything - became moody about the situation and was accused of having a "chip on my shoulder" - all through my childhood.No one wanted to see my older sister in any sort of a bad light (she was favored by my Dad's Mother & Sister - I was not) - so I needed to be quiet about it and I was. Growing up in a dysfunctional family is not something you recognize until you are older and gain insight.I didn't find out how dysfunctional my family was until I went through counseling myself at 48 yrs. old.

After being on the blog site and reading this book - the big *aha* moment for me (and for the author as related in the book) was when she told her therapist that she just wanted to have *her story heard* - that was the biggest thing she needed in her life.... her two brothers didn't want to hear about it and neither did her 1/2 brother (even though they too had experienced abuse also) and eventually to keep their world quiet about it they shut her out of their lives.She also realized that she, being a female, was not in favor from the get go with her own Mother.Her Mother favored her sons over her only daughter.She was blamed constantly for the abuse because she stood up to the abuser.....

Her story resonated with me.

After much research and reading - she discovered that forgiving first does not help you heal as many therapist believed years ago, but that a person needs to heal (be heard, have therapy, mature, read everything on the subject -- and I recommend Louise L. Hay's books to help you with that healing too) from the past somewhat before they can move on to the forgiveness part.

Her book was wonderful find for me and highly recommended via the people who participate in the blog I am a member of -- and the author is a member of the blog also.

For anyone who has childhood anger, emotional issues, abuse from childhood (whatever the form), problems that are connected in some way via their childhood, this book is a must to read.We all need to heal, we all want to be happy, we all need to be loved.This book can be a step in the right direction to help you on the road to healing too. Get the book and get on the road to healing.

Amazing Insight
This is a book everyone should read.The author gives a candid look into a heart-wrenching world of child abuse.Then, through her adult life experience and soul-searching, describes the very difficult process of struggling with forgiveness as most people have learned it should be.Should be is the qualifying term.The author's journey to the discovery of insight in healing first and what forgiveness can be, should be read by all...those effected by abuse, those who know of someone effected by abuse, and those struggling to forgive at all.

Heal First, THEN Forgive
Nancy Richards offers a fresh face to the concept of forgiveness in her book Heal and Forgive: Forgiveness in the Face of Abuse. It deserves a closer look from anyone struggling with recovery from childhood abuse.

A woman who runs a ministry for adult daughters of controlling and abusive families recommended I take a look at Richards' work when I shared with her my own journey. I ordered it last week and found it so absorbing I finished it in just over two hours.

Ms. Richards walks us through her own brutal childhood, one that we discover began at birth, and became exacerbated after her father died and her mother remarried to a man who was extremely cruel and sadistic. We learn about the literal joy he took out of beating Nancy and her brothers, how he ripped everyone apart with his words and would look for anything he could find to perpetrate the terror he inflicted. Worse yet is the ways we learn this man is able to influence Nancy and her siblings to turn on each other, and how she becomes the household scapegoat.

Eventually Nancy leaves home to marry and start a family of her own. We learn her family of origin does not improve, take responsibility or offer amends for their past behavior. Instead, her mother proceeds to divorce and remarry several abusive men in succession, and continues to promote blaming Nancy for all the "family's" problems, to the extent that she convinces everyone Nancy is crazy and to side against her.

Ms. Richards attempts this whole time to forgive her abusers. After all, aren't we all taught to leave the past behind, forgive other's wrongs, and be family no matter what? Don't they tell us that unless we do these things, we won't heal?

But in the course of her efforts she finds the opposite - she is unable to heal. To the contrary, the harder she tries, the more pain she feels, the greater her resentments, and the more abuse her family of origin is able to heap on her.

In Nancy's quest to figure out why this isn't working, she comes across an understanding therapist and several books from psychological and spiritual perspectives that turn our culture's traditional concept of forgiveness upside down. She learns that perhaps the solution for her is to NOT forgive in the way she has been led to believe, that the whole idea of making peace while overlooking the evil of abusive behaviors is in fact self-defeating and self-destructive. Nancy realized that she must think first of her own needs, to protect herself and her own family.

The end result is that Ms. Richards ends up "divorcing" her mother, which also causes an unfortunate loss of relationships with other family members, including her brothers. As of the publication she had not spoken to any of them in twelve years.

She also decides to stop working on forgiving them, and start focusing on her recovery and her daughters. It is these actions in themselves that allow healing to flow into her life, and eventually, she is able to find TRUE forgiveness.

I found this book to be very powerful in both the story it had to tell, and in the message it had to give. I have followed a very close path in my own life; the parallels between her family's behavior and mine were eerie. I too have had to "divorce" my family of origin and in the process lost relationships with other relatives, and even some family friends. So to read such a similar story as mine was incredibly validating.

On a spiritual level I also found Nancy's story and her sharing of some resources regarding forgiveness to be a relief. Like myself, Ms. Richards is a Christian, and she includes pieces of wisdom from others within that vein who support a different concept of forgiveness and do so from a Christian perspective. As someone who felt torn over whether my choices broke the commandment to honor my mother and father, this book served as a valuable resource to help me reconcile this area of my life.

I cannot recommend this book enough for anyone who is struggling with a family of origin that is broken due to unamended abuse. I also believe anyone who is a friend or loved one of someone recovering from childhood abuse will find this book beneficial for understanding the survivor's struggle to find healing and, yes, forgiveness. ... Read more

Product Description
Psychologists have been increasingly called on to testify in child abuse cases. The rough-and-tumble world of courtroom machinations, however, has left many wondering how they can protect themselves and their science from manipulation and misuse by the court system. In this book, eminent lawyers, psychologists, and social workers discuss the thornier aspects of testimony and provide recommendations on the proper role of the expert witness. In each chapter, one or more current problem areas associated with expert testimony in cases of child abuse are described. The first of the book's four sections is an overview, comparing the uses of expert testimony both here and abroad as well as the ethical standards to which psychologists serving as experts should adhere. The second section explores the actual experience of providing expert testimony, from a personal glimpse into an author's experience to professional dos and don'ts. The kinds of evidence most often offered in cases of suspected child abuse, the admissibility of such evidence, and the effects of this information on juror decisions are covered in the third section,. In the fourth section, commentaries synthesize the conclusions of these chapters and help to move the field toward a consensus of what constitutes ethical testimony. ... Read more

Customer Reviews (1)

TESTIMONY
This is an excellent resource for the professional who has had no or limited experience in testifying regarding child sexual abuse matters (or, for those who have had negative experiences).The author provides background and recommendations for testimony.Like most books published by APA, I found that it safely balanced the scientific with the clinical.In doing so, I found that it provided a disappointing level of detail about abuse, the consultation process, evaluation, preparation, or testimony.For the clinician wishing greater information on the topic or for the clinician wishing for more useful information on the evaluation or testimony processes, I'd recommend augmentation with other relevant sources.Useful resource that is worth the used price. ... Read more

Product Description
Child sexual abuse prosecutions are often brought following a substantial delay of some years after the alleged abuse.This delay poses a variety of problems for the prosecutions.The book will examine the problems associated with criminal prosecutions commenced many years after the abusive incidents were alleged to have occurred, the response of the criminal justice system to such cases, and how the system should respond in order to ensure that the defendant receives a fair trial, while recognising the reasons why complainants may delay reporting abuse for many years. ... Read more

Product Description
Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother?

Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Here, a counselor reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children-and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.

This book, the first ever of its kind, shows mothers how to:

- Protect children and help them heal emotionally
- Provide love, support, and positive role models, even in the midst of abuse
- Increase their chances of winning custody
- Help their kids feel good about themselves ... Read more

Customer Reviews (11)

When Dad hurts Mom
I first read Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That?", and I thought it was such a fabulously written book that I wanted to read everything else he had written so I got "When Dad Hurts Mom."For me, this book is not as powerful as the first one, but it is still a good book and would be excellent for any mother wanting to help her children heal.It is a "soft" book, with a lot of gentleness, while still providing all the information necessary.

DV Victim: A MUST read
If you are a mother and your husband/partner is/was cruel verbally and/or physically, it always affects your children, no matter how old they are. Why dig up the past? Because it does affect the present, just like an immunization shot. Although cruel words and actions do not protect anyone who hears or sees them.

If I had one book to recommend, this is it!
As a Domestic Violence Survivor Advocate, this is a bible and the one book that every survivor of domestic violence with children should not be without, especially if she and her children are still caught up in the cyclone of family court "intervention".This book will help any DV survivor mom keep her sanity while the effects of Post Separation Violence continue to interfere with her life and the lives of her children.

When Dad Hurts Mom
This is the best book available about the effects of domestic abuse on children! It's a valuable tool for self-help or counselors. I am a Clinical Social Worker and Certified Domestic Violence Professional, and I recommend this book to most of my clients who are facing issues of divorce, custody, and coping with their children's emotional needs in the aftermath of an abusive relationship. I also use this author's other book "Why Does He Do That?" regularly in working with domestic violence victims and survivors.

An excellent book
This book should be read by every family therapist, as it provides insights into how abusive partners manipulate not only their own families but also therapists and the legal system to maintain power and control over partners and children. This book is much more than another set of anecdotes. ... Read more

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Customer Reviews (26)

Franklin Scandal
This book sets up phony propositions and then makes them sound legitimate. If you read the Grand Jury report on this the Franklin Case, you will see that this book is nothing but unfounded nonsense.

WAKE UP AMERICA !
After reading "The Franklin Cover-Up" by Decamp. I wasn't sure I really wanted to read "The Franklin Scandal" by Bryant.Decamps book took me on a roller coaster ride of emotion. All it did in the end was depress me. Because, I knew that if it was only half the truth that it would be squashed and covered up. It also made me remember when in the fifties Hoover stated that "organized crime didn't exist". He knew there was, and as time past the truth came out. How much damage to our country in the mean time was done?
D. Eisenhower felt the CIA had undercut him with the U2 over Russia. His departing speech from office tells you were our country was headed.
Kennedy wanted to splinter the CIA into a "thousand pieces", over the Bay of Pigs. Goverment agencies interferred, trampled, and discredited Jim Garrison's investigation into his assination. This list could go on and on.
Since Kennedy, corruption has went unchecked. People that are supposed to be protecting us, are preying on us. Money turns everything to crap.
Nicks book although, another roller coaster ride, has energized me. Maybe I'm just getting tired of it all. Our problems are like a tumor growing out of control. It's time to stand up, look evil eye and get our country back.
WAKE UP AMERICA !

Profoundly disturbing read
This is a good follow up on DeCamp's "The Franklin Coverup".Bryant does a thorough job of chasing down 20 year old leads and giving a detailed accounting of the Franklin scandal as well as the aftermath and its effects on those involved.Kudos to Bryant for explaining a very complicated web of covert activity that stays out of the public eye mainly because of its seemingly implausible nature. Read this and DeCamp's book and you will have a completely diferent view of the American political system.If you are heavily vested in the left/right, liberal/conservative approach to government this will be a very troubling read to get your mind around.Thanks Mr. Bryant, your book is as timely now as ever.We need more writers like you who are willing to take an unflinching look at the demons in our government.

At the very core of America in decay lies the horror revealed. There will be no recovery for US while this remains in shadow.
i cant stress strongly enough: the future of America rests in our ability to rebuild from the ground up. In this case the ground floor is the corruption of every imaginable sort permeating our government. Everyone enters the building with an opinion as they seek or are propelled towards the "up" stairs. In the basement though, our foundation rots and festers, cracking and compromising the structural integrity of our great work. No one asks about this basement, and many of those who know of it often regret even this knowledge. It is shunned. It is another example - an archetype in truth - of the great "other" which is perpetually sought by us out of fear of the unknown and unfamiliar. The perception of "otherness" brings ease in the comfort of disassociation and subsequently... lack of responsibility. "This is not us." we say. "That is not me," we think. For this reason do we remain a small people to this day, cowards as a species, barren of those bounties derived through love, slaves to fear.

Read it and weep, then seethe...
"Deep politics" is scholar Peter Dale Scott's term for historical machinations such as drug-running and assassinations which form covert if systemic features of the contemporary state and which are all-too naively dismissed as "conspiracy theories."A number of people who study such matters seriously have long suspected that the scandal centering on Omaha, Nebraska's Franklin Credit Union in the 1970s and `80s forms the conceptual linchpin to a truly critical understanding of the perverse, brutal and predatory nature of power in late-imperial America.Having read former Nebraska State Senator John DeCamp's brave if somewhat desultory 1992 book on the subject, THE FRANKLIN COVER-UP, and watched the unaired British television documentary CONSPIRACY OF SILENCE on the internet, we have also sensed, with a certain despair, that the nature and details of this scandal were so shocking, ugly, confusing and strange as to forever defy broader public credulity and scrutiny.It is with a profound sense of relief, admiration and gratitude, then, that one reads Nick Bryant's THE FRANKLIN SCANDAL, which accomplishes the seemingly impossible:an eminently gripping, thorough and accessible account of perhaps the grimmest aspect of contemporary U. S. history.

It is amusing to see the sole negative reviewer on these pages (as of this writing) suggest that Bryant has gullibly relied only on the apparent victims of the scandal, when in fact the author has taken pains to bolster accusations voiced in his book with the testimony of law-enforcement, governmental, mental health, legal and social-service officials, as well as journalists and others whose professions and/or personal relationships brought them into the orbit of this lurid story.

Anything but the ramblings of a susceptible naïf, Bryant's book appears as a model of journalistic integrity and a triumph of the investigative craft.Relying on official court and law enforcement documents and an extensive array of interviews with those involved in a variety of aspects of the scandal, it conveys a massive amount of carefully corroborated and meticulously researched data while maintaining all the tension and drama of the very best true-crime narratives.Bryant's own natural skepticism allows him to ultimately ground what appear to be Franklin's most far-fetched elements--Satanism, mind control, and the trafficking of children among our nation's elite for the purpose of sex--in an historical context that casts these admittedly outlandish phenomena in an intelligible and empirical light.Bryant's treatment of these subjects is deft, and his light touch and firm command of the overall material combine to a disarming effect that is sure to challenge all but the most recalcitrant of doubters.

While it provides well over a hundred pages of documentation in support of its disturbing thesis that there appears to be validity to the wrenching accusations of gravely scurrilous behavior on the part of an elite element in our society, among the other merits of Bryant's book is that it dispels certain myths that have accrued about Franklin over the years, even as it deepens our understanding of little-appreciated aspects of the story, such as Alicia Owen's protracted legal nightmare.The author's treatment of the scandal is highly comprehensive, but also circumspect; aficionados will want to consult DeCamp's THE FRANKLIN COVER-UP to fill in the names of certain apparent perpetrators, a few of whose identities Bryant--unable to finally track down every source he pursued over the several years he has worked on this story--only alludes to.(As the skeptical reader will no doubt appreciate, Bryant does not overstep his bounds, though given the vast amount of information he has collected, he hardly needs to.)There are certain other details found in DeCamp's book, pertaining for example to the exact nature of the extreme abuse apparently suffered by certain victims, which Bryant does not reiterate; given the acute nature of these violations, Bryant's overall eschewal of the sensational, and his palpable concern and respect for the victims' dignity, this elision appears understandable, especially as these horrific accounts have found a life of their own on the Web.This said, the author's description of the abuse conveys its iniquity, and there is much in this book that will be new to readers of DeCamp, who as an attorney close to the case lacks Bryant's journalistic precision, clarity, sense of narrative structure, and critical distance.This is not said to detract from DeCamp's compelling book, but to point out that Bryant brings a great deal that is new to this important story.

In all, this is an enraging book, and toward its conclusion the reader reels in disgust at its main point:the subsequent abuse suffered by victims when they were subjected to the federal and state legal systems during the cover-up phase of the scandal.What this suggests about the state of our public institutions is one of the most disturbing aspects of this book.Still, aside from a cast of shameless villains there are heroes and heroines who emerge in the story, whose efforts in the face of obdurate corruption, selfishness and cruelty are--though it might seem a trite word in this context--inspiring.That these examples of human fortitude and decency finally have the chronicler in Mr. Bryant that they deserve is enough to reaffirm the faith in our species that this book otherwise shakes to its core.

Bryant's account of the Franklin scandal joins David Ray Griffin's extensive analyses of 9/11 and James Bamford's exposures of military-industrial and intelligence agency malfeasance as one of the most important historical documents of our time.In its own way, given the extremities of the depravity it confronts THE FRANKLIN SCANDAL is, if possible, even bolder than those valiant efforts.It is most highly recommended to anyone willing to face vicious realities that too many others remain too complacent, timorous or arrogant to acknowledge.It is must-reading for those seeking to comprehend the madness of our cultural moment, and who yearn for an example of a meaningful and courageous response to it. ... Read more

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Customer Reviews (14)

When the Piano Stops
When the Piano Stops--Catherine Graham McCall


I happened on this book through a Facebook Connection with anyone who had attended my high school. Catherine Graham McCall's name came up. As I gazed through her profile, I came upon the title of this book. As I read a brief description, I could hardly believe what I was reading.

In full disclosure, I knew of Catherine Graham(McCall). She was several years ahead of me in high school. I did not know her well. My family went to her father for their opthamoloigic needs as he was a well respected physician in the neighborhood. She lived several blocks away from me in the mansion she so well described. She was, as I remember a popular, well rounded girl.

I purchased the book and began reading. I could not put it down. I have done a lot of work with trauma survivors and as such have done a lot of reading about the subject. This book was riveting and horrific at the same time. Her description of herchildhood, incestuous and violent events as well as the many gifts that she received from her parents were as I understand the lives of many survivors.The path to recovery is well described as are the events leading up to her discovery of what actually happened to contribute to her initial symptomatologyWhat makes the family dynamics so complicated is the wondering how can one still have any affection or regard at all for someone who did so much harm. The author describes in great detail her struggle to come to terms with George(her father) , ultimately finishing with him but not without much struggle. Her description of what the ravages of alcoholism can do to some perfectly respectable people is eye opening.

This is a must read for any practitioner working with incest survivors as well as any survivor themselves. Caveat emptor-this is not an easy or enjoyable book. It brings you up close and personal in the most graphic way to what evil is. While George might have had bipolar disorder , it in no way explains the unspeakable acts that he perpetrates on his oldest daughter.

Luckily for Catherine, she was blessed with an understanding, patient husband as well as a very caring and talented psychotherapist. She gives us the gift of allowing us into the very personal and sacred aspects of her life and also brings us out the other side for which we are very grateful

Laura Logue Rood APRN, BC

This is the greatest book on Incest
Catherine needs to be commended for sharing her and her family's story out there to help shed some light on this horrible exploitation of children. This is a story that has happened to people around the globe and it's time to put a stop to this. A person's body belongs to them and no other family member has the right to use if for their pleasure, or to satisfy their need for power or control. Please help us make this a better world for children everywhere!

A life-changing read
In When the Piano Stops, Catherine McCall courageously speaks for all victims of childhood sexual abuse.Based upon McCall's own experiences as a child, this memoir pulls no punches as it explores the darker places in the human soul.In crisp, lucid prose, the author shares some of the terrors that haunt the abused child's world, and she speaks of her survival and subsequent renewal, as well.This is an important book.It contains the message of hope that only the heart of a true survivor can send.

Absolutely compelling
Really brings you through what the author experienced with disturbing detail.The author did an amazing job of describing the indescribable.

Phenomenal!
Catherine McCall's book is breathtaking, not only is it well written and intriguing, the story that she tells so eloquently hopefully will shed light on a very taboo and hard to swallow subject in our society. I do not have experience with incest, but I am sure that her story and survival will give hope to those that have. I am humbled by her experience and how she has taken a life riddled with abuse and trauma and turned it into a beautiful one-raised 4 amazing women, has a successful therapy practice and a long and successful marriage. ... Read more